


(Sigdrifa's an A$$hole)

by thelightofmorning



Series: Tales of the Aurelii [16]
Category: Elder Scrolls, Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim
Genre: Gen, Sigdrifa being Sigdrifa, Song Parody, Tags Are Hard
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-13
Updated: 2021-02-13
Packaged: 2021-03-13 04:21:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 482
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29396178
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thelightofmorning/pseuds/thelightofmorning
Summary: Parody of Dennis Leary's 'Asshole' describing Sigdrifa Stormsword from the Aureliiverse.
Series: Tales of the Aurelii [16]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1485251
Comments: 2
Kudos: 6





	(Sigdrifa's an A$$hole)

**Author's Note:**

> Note: Thanks for reading and reviewing. Another parody; trigger warning for Sigdrifa being Sigdrifa. Original song is Dennis Leary’s ‘Asshole’; I cut it down by about a verse.

Folks, I'd like to sing a song about the Skyrim Nords’ dream,

About me, about you

About the way our true Nordic hearts beat way down in the bottom of our chests

About that special feeling we get in the cockles of our hearts

Maybe below the cockles

Maybe in the sub cockle area

Maybe in the liver, maybe in the kidneys

Maybe even in the colon, we don't know

I'm just a regular Shieldmaiden of Talos

I'm your average true Skyrim-born Nord

I like Talos and Talos and books about war

I got an average palace with a nice stone floor

My husband, his boyfriend, my kids and huscarl

My place at my table and respect of us all

But sometimes, that just ain't enough to keep a lass like me happy

(Oh, no, no way, uh-uh)

No, I gotta go out and win wars at someone else's expense

(Whoa, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah)

I kill all the elves and their elf-loving friends

While they claim I’m going insane

I'm an asshole (she's an asshole, what an asshole)

I'm an asshole (she's an asshole, such an asshole)

I sent assassins after my ex-husband and his hold,

I walk around in the winter time, saying, "How about this cold?"

I'm an asshole (she's an asshole, what an asshole)

I'm an asshole (she's the world's biggest asshole)

Sometimes, I pretend I was only married once,

Because I was married to Cloud Ruler’s dunce

I'm an asshole (she's an asshole, what an asshole)

I'm an asshole (she's a real fucking asshole)

Maybe I shouldn't be singing this song

Ranting and raving and carrying on

Maybe they're right when they tell me I'm wrong...

Nah

I'm an asshole (she's an asshole, what an asshole)

I'm an asshole (she's the world's biggest asshole)

You know what I'm gonna do?

I'm gonna get myself an assassin or two,

To clean up the trash that hunts my past,

It worked for Talos, so it must be good,

At least there’ll a few less mer and trash in the woods

And I'm gonna send my huscarl to make sure it’s done,

Because I’m the cheapest thing under the sun,

Sucking the life out of the Stormcloaks with faith,

Why no, I’ve never killed an ice wraith

And when I'm done killing all the Cyrods,

I'm gonna wipe my hands with the Imperial flag

And then I'm gonna get the respect I’ve always deserved,

And there ain't a goddamn thing anybody can do about it

You know why? Because we've got Talos on our side

Two words: Lord fucking Talos, okay?

(Hey! You know, you really are an asshole!)

Why don't you just shut up and sing the song, pal?

I'm an asshole (she's an asshole, what an asshole)

I'm an asshole (she's the world's biggest asshole)

A-S-S-H-O-L-E

Everybody

A-S-S-H-O-L-E

I'm an asshole, and I'm proud of it


End file.
